At REAP we provide parenting courses on demand, and we can tailor the course to meet individual needs. Some of the courses we can provide are 'Parenting at Work', 'You Can Do It' , 'Play and Your Child' and 'Fathering'. Most of our courses are built on the underlying theory developed by William Glasser, Choice Theory.

William Glasser, in his theory of the Choice Theory, explains that we are born with both physiological and psychological needs, which must be met. Our genetic make-up determines the strength of each of these needs - An analogy would be: we are all born with different cups full of needs e.g. my genetic code for love [which I am born with] could be three-quarters of the cup while your genetic code may be to the top.

How our needs are met within our family unit

Our needs are met in different areas of our life- home, leisure or work. For our family to function effectively we need to be getting our needs met in a balanced way both within and without the family unit. Remember we can't have all we want all the time but if we can have some of what we need we can function okay.

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Central Otago REAP offers a range of parenting programmes and is able to develop specialized programmes to meet a request from a group. This year already we have worked with over 30 families to develop new skills or strategies with extremely positive outcomes. Some tips from the SKIP booklet on Stress:
If I’m really stressed with my baby I just sing
Take a break from being a Mum…..sit and read for 10 minutes
Don’t be critical of yourself, no one does everything perfectly all the time
Try not to be aggressive towards others, take a deep breath and walk away
Go outside, open a window and if you can, get into another space
Put on some really loud music and dance
Don’t answer the phone for the last 15 minutes before going out!

To read more about these tips and other parenting ideas, check the website www.familyservices.govt.nz or ask for the pamphlets at REAP.

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Peter Wilson has accepted the position of Parenting Coordinator for REAP. Peter will be co-ordinating Parenting courses, tutoring, and continuing with the CYF parenting work. Contact Peter with any queries at pjwilson.rox@xtra.co.nz.

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Audio Resources on Parenting

Central Otago REAP has available the Diane Levy Parenting Seminar series of audio tapes. You can borrow these and listen to some practical advice on common issues such as toilet training, tantrums, and separation anxiety. Contact Jean.

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Brain Wonders: Newborn to 2 months Vision, Hearing & Touch - What Does a Newborn See?
A newborn has vision at birth, but it is the least mature of the senses. The newborn's eyes can track or follow movement, but only within a distance of 9-12 inches from the infant's face. The eyes of a newborn cannot yet focus as well as those of an adult. As a result, objects and people that the infant sees look a bit fuzzy.
Before 3 months, infants see best when looking at things "out of the corner of their eyes" (peripheral vision). They most easily notice movement and high-contrast patterns (e.g. light vs. dark). At about 1 month, they may get "visually stuck" and cry because they can't STOP staring at one thing! Soon, they learn to "detach" their gaze to look at something else. Older infants gradually develop a preference for staring "right at something" (central vision), and by 3 months most like to watch their hands, and can visually follow an object that is moving in a circle (such as toys on a mobile).
The area of the brain that sends and receives messages about what the newborn sees will continue to develop over the next six months until the infant's vision is as clear as an adult's. Providing infants with opportunities to look at things in the world around them including your warm, smiling face helps to create an environment that supports visual development.

What you can do:
-Hold or place the infant about 9-12 inches from your face; this distance keeps you in the infant's visual field.
-Don't worry if her eyes wander independently or if she looks at you "out of the corner of her eye" in the early months, this is normal.
-By 2 months the infant especially likes to look at your face if you widen your eyes and move your mouth.
-You can move your head slowly so the infant can follow it from side to side or up and down.
-You can hang a mobile within the infant's visual range.
-You can encourage an infant to follow an object with her eyes by slowly moving an object, such as a stuffed animal or toy 10-15 inches from the infant's face.
-Pay attention to each infant's cues.
-Remember when looking at infants that they need to take breaks, and may tell you this by looking away. When they do this, be quiet for a moment.
-Give the infant time to "take a breather" from activity. When the infant looks back at you, begin the "conversation" again.

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Post-Natal Distress: Strategies to Support Your Female Partner

- At times you will probably feel isolated, unappreciated, rejected, hopeless, frustrated, angry and guilty about feeling that way.  It is important that you reach out to others, and develop a support network for yourself, to meet your own needs: you will then be in a much stronger position to offer support to your partner.
- Talk to others about what is going on for you.  Talk to someone who can listen: don't be shy to make use of professional support services such as counselors, Mensline and Man Alive Support groups (where available).
- Be assertive with health professionals: ask that you be informed and involved in any clinical decisions.
- Trust your instincts: e.g. if you think your partner is getting worse, or coming off medication too soon, express your opinion.
- Offer practical help with chores - cooking meals, bathing the baby, doing shopping.  Try to involve your partner in these tasks, especially if they involve the baby.
- Encourage your partner to talk about what she is feeling.  Learn to listen withouut reacting or judging her.
- Provide a buffer for your partner to protect her from uninformed criticism from family and friends.
- Keep visits from family and friends to a moderate level.  Your partner will probably find large gatherings very stressful.
- Organise breaks for both of you - shot walks, time away from the house and baby, trips to hot pools.
- Get up to the baby at night, to minimize your partners sleep disturbance.
- Inform people at work about what is happening: enlist their support to give you more flexibility.
- Don't expect to be recognised or appreciated by your partner for what you are doing:  that will come later.
 
Strategies to Support You (the male partner)

- All the standard principles of stress-management apply.  Use whatever techniques work to help you unwind.
- Learn a good relaxation process.  Listen to relaxation tapes.
- Regular aerobic exercise - a brisk walk, jogging, a gym work-out, gardening, chopping wood, biking - will quickly lower stress levels.
- Yoga and Tai Chi are excellent.
- Treat yourself to a massage.
- Eat sensibly and drink heaps of water.
- Write out your thoughts and feelings.
- Structure some time for things you enjoy doing:  don't neglect your own needs for recreation and diversion: movies, sports etc.
- Talk to others, friends or professionals about what is really going on for you.  Seek out support.

People living with a depressed person for any length of time often end up feeling depressed themselves because nothing they do or say seems to make any difference to that person.
 
Post Natal Distress - some ideas that just might help:

- Plan ahead
- Listening to music - quiet time together
- "I feel" - not accusing each other
- One partner take charge and let the other relax
- Both partners need time for selves
- TALKING
- Tolerance/understanding
- It won't last forever - won't always be like this
- Exercise
- Use babysitters to go out together regularly
- Family time
- Counselling
- Meet other Mums in your community - Playcentre, Parents Centre, play groups
- Barnardos
- Interests of your own
- Recognise the mood swings, PMT etc
- Reward/support each other
- Say sorry
- Ask for what you need - and plan for it
- Keep a journal

Post Natal Distress - the effects it can have on the male partner

- Increased workload in the home
- When will it end ?
- Why is it happening ?
- Separate home and work responsibilities
- Escape - sports, TV, alcohol, work
- Cope alone
- Can't tell people at work
- Frustrated
- Angry - guilt (taking it out on older kids)
- Fear
- Sick (physically ill)
- Bewildered
- Hard to cope with mood swings/unpredictability
- Sponge soaking up - with no outlet
- Less communication
- Walking on broken eggshells
- Feeling seedy
- Switch off
- Feel like giving up

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Jean Sims attended the Ministry of Education Sector meeting in Cromwell, looking at where the MOE is in regards to meeting the goals of "Pathways to the Future". The folder of handouts from this meeting is at the REAP office if anyone needs information, particularly on the Discretionary Grants Scheme.

Participation:
Participation in early Childhood Education data in 2003 indicates 97% of Eurpoean 4 year olds take part in some form of EC Education, but only 86% of Maori and 70% of Pacific Island 4 year olds. In our area, we have a high level of participation, currently 99%, with over 90% taking part in some form of service after 3 years of age. However we have families who find access difficult too, and the high cost of full-day educare is one of the barriers, particularly for lower income families. The cost of travel for rural families, particularly with petrol rising rapidly is an issue, as is the increasing demands on parents to work in paid positions, contribute to the community and raise their children. The issue not recognised in funding subsidies is that while incomes can be over the threshold for assistance with childcare subsidies, often families in districts such as Wanaka and Cromwell find the very high costs of living there mean they have very little left over for education fees. Our focus will be on ensuring that whichever service our pre-school children access will be the best quality possible, and the amount of time spent in participation is increased.

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Making things with your child................................

Recycled Boxes:
You know the old adage – to qualify as a parent , your first test….create a  truck from a ‘weet-bix’ box…. Seriously, old grocery boxes and containers make ideal resources, often being made of good quality cardboard. Have an old hamper or a large box in the pantry to collect these for your children.
Large Appliance Boxes:
Adults need to cut these. Taking a craft knife cut doors and windows. You can also cut out a large section of one side leaving a reasonable edge frame for construction purposes, and link several boxes together to make a large play house. Fix the boxes together using pipe cleaners. Line up the boxes, after cutting the doorways through one wall of each box. Punch 2 holes approx 1cm apart through both boxes and pull the pipe cleaner through them and twist them up tightly.
Collage Box:
Collect a cardboard box from the supermarket or recycle centre and paste old wallpapers over it to cover it and make it special. You can usually obtain odd rolls of wallpaper from the decorating shops. If the old wallpaper is ready pasted all you and your child need to do is wet the back with a large brush and warm water. This is a fun activity in itself.
Hessian Baskets:
You can make storage containers for collage. Choose a plastic mould of your desired size and shape. Dip or brush Hessian cloth into PVA glue and mould into the container. Ensure you use plenty of PVA and if the container is larger use several layers for strength. Trim the top neatly. Leave to dry until solid. Remove from mould.
Art Equipment:
Essential supplies which are a great gift idea from family and friends. You know the frustration of not having the right materials to cut, stick or connect items. Have good tools and materials for your children. Keep these in a special kete, bag or box of their own, possibly one made from the ideas above.
- Cool Melt glue gun and glue sticks
- Solid Glue sticks
- Paste (cellulose school paste) and PVA
- Cellotape – a solid dispenser often makes it easier for children to access cellotape without wasting too much.
- Stapler and Scissors (blunt end but good quality)
- Brushes, Twist ties, String
- Optional: pipe cleaners, blu-tak, split pins
- With adult supervision, child-safe blunt ended fat needles for sewing.