POST NATAL DISTRESS
Strategies to Support Your Female Partner
- At times you will probably feel isolated, unappreciated, rejected, hopeless, frustrated, angry and guilty about feeling that way. It is important that you reach out to others, and develop a support network for yourself, to meet your own needs: you will then be in a much stronger position to offer support to your partner.
- Talk to others about what is going on for you. Talk to someone who can listen: don't be shy to make use of professional support services such as counsellors, Mens Line and Man Alive Support groups (where available).
- Be assertive with health professionals: ask that you be informed and involved in any clinical decisions.
- Trust your instincts: e.g. if you think your partner is getting worse, or coming off medication too soon, express your opinion.
- Offer practical help with chores - cooking meals, bathing the baby, doing shopping. Try to involve your partner in these tasks, especially if they involve the baby.
- Encourage your partner to talk about what she is feeling. Learn to listen without reacting or judging her.
- Provide a buffer for your partner to protect her from uninformed criticism from family and friends.
- Keep visits from family and friends to a moderate level. Your partner will probably find large gatherings very stressful.
- Organise breaks for both of you - shot walks, time away from the house and baby, trips to hot pools.
- Get up to the baby at night, to minimize your partners sleep disturbance.
- Inform people at work about what is happening: enlist their support to give you more flexibility.
- Don't expect to be recognised or appreciated by your partner for what you are doing: that will come later.
- Learn a good relaxation process. Listen to relaxation tapes.
- Regular aerobic exercise - a brisk walk, jogging, a gym work-out, gardening, chopping wood, biking - will quickly lower stress levels.
- Yoga and Tai Chi are excellent
- Treat yourself to a massage
- Eat sensibly and drink heaps of water
- Write out your thoughts and feelings
- Structure some time for things you enjoy doing: don't neglect your own needs for recreation and diversion: movies, sports etc
- Talk to others, friends or professionals about what is really going on for you. Seek out support.
Strategies to Support You (the male partner)
All the standard principles of stress-management apply. Use whatever techniques work to help you unwind.
People living with a depressed person for any length of time often end up feeling depressed themselves because nothing they do or say seems to make any difference to that person.
Post Natal Distress - some ideas that just might help:
Plan ahead
Listening to music - quiet time together
"I feel" - not accusing each other
One partner take charge and let the other relax
Both partners need time for selves
TALKING
Tolerance/understanding
It won't last forever - won't always be like this
Exercise
Use babysitters to go out together regularly
Family time
Counselling
Meet other Mums in your community - Playcentre, Parents Centre, play groups
Barnardos
Interests of your own
Recognise the mood swings, PMT etc
Reward/support each other
Say sorry
Ask for what you need - and plan for it
Keep a journal
Post Natal Distress - the effects it can have on the male partner:
Increased workload in the home
When will it end ?
Why is it happening ?
Separate home and work responsibilities
Escape - sports, TV, alcohol, work
Cope alone
Can't tell people at work
Frustrated
Angry - guilt (taking it out on older kids)
Fear
Sick (physically ill)
Bewildered
Hard to cope with mood swings/unpredictability
Sponge soaking up - with no outlet
Less communication
Walking on broken eggshells
Feeling seedy
Switch off
Feel like giving up